“Can you guide me to the pool?”

(by Harvey Appelbaum)

“I seem to have lost my way. Can you guide me to the pool area?”

(by Diane Weisman)

My original caption: “I’d like to pursue a career in the Sun Belt.”

Yes, once again it’s a tie. The obvious reason is that these two captions are essentially identical. They both came in during the first three days of the contest, before I publicly posted any captions, so there wasn’t any hanky-panky plagiarism going on. Congatulations Harvey Appelbaum (third victory!) and Diane Weisman (fifth victory!). You are now officially two of the funniest people around.

This must be a dry spell for you Captioneers. There wasn’t much in the way of sparkling out-of-the-box humor in the few entries that came in. Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“Should I use SPF 25 or 50?” (by Richard). Pretty clever, Richard – – almost made it.

“You wanted to see me about my priorities?”  (by Pat Foley)

“The Dean said I should see you for some reason.” (by Ronn Roxx)

Contest No. 173 will be starting in about a fortnight or so – – keep on the lookout for it, and thanks for participating!

Contest No. 172 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Thursday April 15, 2021.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

“Your honor, we the jury found the plot cliched and predictable, the characters vague and the dialogue verbose and overwritten. The role of the bailiff was played with authority by Byron M. Whittaker, however, and Sharon Pellman was appealing in a cameo as the daughter of the defendant.”

(by Gayden Wren)

My original caption: ” We, the jury, find the defendant has crossed the fine line between innocence and guilt.”

Whew! A tough one to judge. But Gayden Wren’s caption finally won out (no, I didn’t flip a coin). Good job, Gayden — it’s your well-deserved second victory (first one was in Contest No. 139) and I hope you will be enjoying your re-emergence as one of the funniest people around.

Here are the other captions that were under serious consideration:

“We the Jury, after much discussion, feel like our hotel was average, the food terrible, and Juror 4 has a severe case of halitosis. Oh, and guilty on all counts.” (by Rich Wolf)

“We, the jury, find the judge guilty.” (by Cary Antebi)

“In addition, we also find the defendant guilty of insulting our intelligence.” (by Charles Vaughan)

“Your honor, we are hopelessly deadlocked. Half the jury wants Italian food for dinner tonight, the other half wants Chinese.” (by Mel Tanenbaum)

“What we have here is failure to adjudicate.” (by Pat Foley)

“You seem nice but you’re no Judge Judy.” (by Michael Lomazow)

And a special shout-out to captioneer Michael Lomazow. I see that on March 3rd he was the third-place runner-up on Bob Mankoff’s online Cartoon Caption Contest (Bob Mankoff, for those of you who don’t know, was the Cartoon Editor of The New Yorker magazine for many, many years). Way to go, Michael — I guess it’s only a matter of time before you win the “Big” Caption Contest, the one that appears weekly in The New Yorker.

My Contest No. 172 will be posted in just a few short weeks. Thanks for participating, captioneers!

Contest No. 171 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Thursday March 18, 2021.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

“No, you can’t have a lollipop.”

(by Marc Eliot Stein)

My original caption: “You’re morphing into a big fat slob.”

Congratulations, Marc Eliot Stein, on your third victory. It was a long time coming — the last time you charted was way back in September 2016, in Contest No. 106. So I guess patience is a virtue and now you’ll be celebrating and whooping it up because once again you have proved to be one of the funniest people around.

There were lots of captions, folks, but it seemed to me that a good many of the submissions were tired re-hashings of all the old doctor/patient gags that have been circulating for decades. When it comes to humor, there’s still a lot to be said for originality and thinking outside the box.

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“I’d say you need a little less in the middle and a little more on top.” (by Gayden Wren)

“You have it backwards: it’s three meals a day, and seven food groups.” (by Rich Wolf)

“The good news is that you don’t have covid 19. The bad news is that you have covid 20-24.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“I recommend you stay six feet away from your fridge.” (by Kelasher)

“A classic case of P.D.S. — Pillsbury Doughboy Syndrome!” (by Kay Ralph).  This one came in a close second — I had a hard time deciding between this caption and the winning caption — good job!

The next contest will be posted in just a few short weeks, captioneers. Keep on the lookout for it.

Contest No. 170 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Thursday February 18, 2021.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.