Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 209

“I know these Valentine cards are expensive, but aren’t your wife, girlfriend and mistress worth it?”

(by Diane Weisman)

 

My original caption: “Valentine’s Day cards? Certainly, sir. For or against?”

 

Congrats, Diane Weisman, on your ninth win! Your first victory was way back in 2016, in Contest No. 99, and your most recent victory was not that long ago, in Contest No. 204. I hope you will be celebrating wildly and whooping up the fact that once again you are one of the funniest people around.

I was surprised at the great amount of  bitterness that was evident in many of the submitted captions. I hope you Captioneers are not confusing mean-spirited bitterness or sarcasm with genuinely funny humor, because those elements don’t usually work well together.

Here are the other entries that I was seriously considering:

“What would you like to communicate to your wife’s attorney?” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Valentine’s Day is not a holiday where you buy one card and get one free.” (also by Diane Weisman)

“Have you tried our new “Grumpy Old Man’ Section?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Don’t you think sending the I.R.S. a ‘Better Luck Next Time’ card is asking for trouble?” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“You got me — perhaps we should carry sympathy cards for those who lost in their Super Bowl pool.” (by Gary)

“Why yes, Sir . . . we carry Wedding and Sympathy cards . . . but not combined.” (by Kay Ralph)

 

Contest No. 210 will be posted in due course, so be on the lookout for it. Thanks for participating, Captioneers!

 

See Comments and Add Your Own

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 209

Contest No. 209 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption that you enter has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, February 14, 2024 (yes, St. Valentine’s Day).

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

See Comments and Add Your Own

Nutrition Health Review, 1995

 

Confession: I don’t know what “antioxidant cuisine” is. But back in 1995, when I drew this cartoon, I must have thought it was pretty funny. And so must have the editors of Nutrition Health Review, who bought the cartoon and printed it in their publication.

Now I will go to Google and find out exactly what I forgot over the years.

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Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 208

“Sorry, but I am dedicating this book to my mother.”

(by Silvana Lagrotteria)

 

My original caption: “Who did you think makes up all those lawyer jokes?”

 

Congratulations, Silvana Lagrotteria, on this, your first victory. You have now earned that auspicious title, One Of The Funniest People Around, and can legitimately bask in the glory that it confers.

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“There’s nothing here that entitles you to the bottom bunk.” (by Harvey Appelbaum)

“It’s titled ‘From Excel to Cell: When  an Accountant Goes Bad’.” (by Kelly)

“Pout all you want, but you will only be a footnote.” (by Scott Malcolm)

“From your suggestions, I assume you are in for plagiarism.” (also by Silvana Lagrotteria)

“And that completes my autobiography: ‘My Life Doing Life’.” (by Pat Foley)

 

Contest No. 209 will be posted in due course, so be on the lookout for it right here. Thanks for participating, Captioneers!

See Comments and Add Your Own

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 208

Contest No. 208 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption that you enter has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, January 17, 2024.

Good luck, Captioneers, and I wish you all a Happy and Healthy 2024!

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. 

See Comments and Add Your Own

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 207

“We’re in agreement then, Santa: You handle the ho-ho-ho, we’ll handle the dough-dough-dough.”

(by Anya)

 

My original caption: “Santa! How are you? How’s the wife? The elves? The reindeer?”

 

A great big congratulations, Anya, on this, your first victory. You have now joined the ranks of “one of the funniest people around”, and can enjoy all the bragging rights that go with the title.

Here are the other captions that were in serious contention:

“I’m personally thanking every Santa! This year’s rally made me a millionaire.” (by Brendan F Gannon)

“You got me exactly what I needed when I was young, so I’m going to provide you with the exact insurance coverage you need.” (by Scott Malcolm)

“”I’ll just need to verify the elves’ employment paperwork and I’ll be out of your beard!” (by Sagie)

“Aren’t you a little late for Halloween?” (by Diane Weisman)

“Don’t forget to report your earnings to the IRS.” (by Pat Foley)

“If I donate this briefcase, loaded with cash, will you stop ringing that irritating bell for the rest of the evening?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Hello! My name is Timmy Montoyo. You killed my grandmother (with your Reindeer). Prepare to die.” (also by Scott Malcolm)  This caption was never actually in contention, Scott Malcolm, but I’m a big fan of “The Princess Bride”, and it brought a smile to my face. Thanks.

 

Contest No. 208 will be posted here in due time, Captioneers, so be on the lookout for it, and thanks for participating!

See Comments and Add Your Own

Foreword

Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).
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