“You’re right, dear, talking to the wall is just as easy.”

(by Rich Wolf)

My original caption: “My daughter tells me you’re quite an accomplished magician.”

Congratulations, Rich Wolf, on this, your ninth victory. As I’ve told you eight times before, you are definitely one of the funniest people around. Keep up the good work!

As I was looking at this old drawing all week, I suddenly could see why a few of you Captioneers thought along the line of it being set in a department store. It does look like that gal is riding down an escalator, doesn’t it? I guess I should have made it clearer that she is just walking down a normal flight of stairs in a normal home. No misdirection intended — that’s just the way I drew it in the 1950’s. I still like my original caption, by the way — but the proof of the pudding is that no editor thought enough of it to buy the cartoon and publish it.

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“Take your time. I’m counting the dots.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Doris, this is one of the best conversations we’ve had in a long time.” (by Paul Cohn)

“I think it’s time we get a TV.” (by Sagie)

“I suppose you’ll want a T.V. next?” (by Pat Foley)

“Sorry hon. Scared off another of your beaus with my army stories.” (by Kelly)

Thanks for participating, Captioneers. Be sure to look for the next Contest, which will start in just a few short weeks.

Contest No. 182 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, January 19, 2022.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. This one goes back to my very earliest days of submitting cartoons to publications, in the mid-1950’s. When I started sending them out, on a free-lance, speculative basis, I numbered the cartoons on the back, to keep track of them. This one has the number 33 on it. I’ve sold thousands of cartoons over the years, each one consecutively numbered, and have thousands more that never sold, so you better believe that this one is a real oldie. Let’s see if you can do any better with it, Captioneers!

“I told you not to use so much starch when you cleaned it last Christmas.”

(by Ronn Roxx)

My original caption:  “I remember telling them distinctly, no starch!”

Conratulations, Ronn Roxx, on this, your fifth victory (the last one was way back in Contest No. 155). Once again you have proved to be one of the funniest people around.

NOTE: I know that I say in my introductory remarks for each contest that “The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption)”.  But, regardless of the fact that Ronn Roxx practically read my mind about the “starch” gag, I still honestly feel that his caption is the worthy winner.  So I guess that means that I still like my original gag and am a loss to explain why the cartoon was never bought or published. By the way, all the captions that referenced a “coat hanger” were also pretty darn good, but a coat hanger wouldn’t explain the stiff cap, would it?

ANOTHER NOTE: I’d like to give a special shout-out to captioneer Rich Wolf. Recently he was the 3rd Place runner-up  in Bob Mankoff’s Cartoon Caption Contest (the contest that ended on December 6th). Way to go, Rich Wolf — hope to see your name in the winner’s circle soon!

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top prize:

“Idiot, you’ve left the coathanger inside.” (by ken wilkinson)

“Only the hat is perfect for you.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“No, I will not cover you with ornaments and tinsel!” (by David Grand)

“For Pete’s sake, Herbert . . . you’re supposed to take the hanger out!” (by Kay Ralph)

“You’re supposed to take the hanger out first you silly Santa.” (also by Ronn Roxx)

A new Contest will be posted soon. Please look for it and keep those funny captions coming in!

Contest No. 181 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, December 22, 2021.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Yes, in the spirit of the season I’m going with another “Santa” drawing, hoping fervently that it works out better than the Santa drawing I used for my Contest No. 180.

“Santa needs to keep his hands to himself.”

(by Michael Lomazow)

My original caption: “Well, are you going to hire me for the Santa job, or aren’t you?”

Congratulations, Michael Lomazow, on this, your second victory. Once again you have proved to be one of the funniest people around.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Oops . . . in my haste and eagerness to choose a “Christmas-y” drawing for this contest, I inadvertently picked a cartoon of mine that had actually been published before, way back in December 1984. Even though the  printed cartoon was slightly different, had no red color and had a caption that was worded a little differently, it was essentially the same. You can see it in my archives, if you wish, by selecting the publication Stock Market Magazine in my sidebar, and scrolling down. What’s even more interesting is that in the 1984 version the Santa gal is obviously a black woman — civil rights was very much in the news back then. In my newer version, it’s hard to tell from the drawing if the applicant is black or just very embarrassed. That must have caused a good deal of confusion for you Captioneers. Sorry about the whole mix-up. I blame it on my old age and will make every effort to do better in the future.

Here are the other captions that were being seriously considered:

“Yes, I can see that children sitting on my lap would cause a little problem.” (by Diane)

“Rudolph just created an unhealthy workplace, and I’m not cleaning it up!” (by Brendan Gannon)

“There’s no Santa clause in my contract.” (by Pat Foley). I can just imagine Chico Marx turning over in his grave over this caption.

“Santa is being a bit too jolly of an old elf.” (by Kelasher)

A new contest will be posted before you know it. Thanks for your entries, Captioneers!

Contest No. 180 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You may also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot, so please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, November 24, 2021.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.