“Santa needs to keep his hands to himself.”

(by Michael Lomazow)

My original caption: “Well, are you going to hire me for the Santa job, or aren’t you?”

Congratulations, Michael Lomazow, on this, your second victory. Once again you have proved to be one of the funniest people around.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Oops . . . in my haste and eagerness to choose a “Christmas-y” drawing for this contest, I inadvertently picked a cartoon of mine that had actually been published before, way back in December 1984. Even though the  printed cartoon was slightly different, had no red color and had a caption that was worded a little differently, it was essentially the same. You can see it in my archives, if you wish, by selecting the publication Stock Market Magazine in my sidebar, and scrolling down. What’s even more interesting is that in the 1984 version the Santa gal is obviously a black woman — civil rights was very much in the news back then. In my newer version, it’s hard to tell from the drawing if the applicant is black or just very embarrassed. That must have caused a good deal of confusion for you Captioneers. Sorry about the whole mix-up. I blame it on my old age and will make every effort to do better in the future.

Here are the other captions that were being seriously considered:

“Yes, I can see that children sitting on my lap would cause a little problem.” (by Diane)

“Rudolph just created an unhealthy workplace, and I’m not cleaning it up!” (by Brendan Gannon)

“There’s no Santa clause in my contract.” (by Pat Foley). I can just imagine Chico Marx turning over in his grave over this caption.

“Santa is being a bit too jolly of an old elf.” (by Kelasher)

A new contest will be posted before you know it. Thanks for your entries, Captioneers!

Contest No. 180 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You may also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot, so please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, November 24, 2021.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

“How much time do I have to shop till I drop?”

(by Diane)

My original caption: “Is that the name of a new reality show on TV?”

Congratulations, Diane, on your sixth victory! Patience and persistence really pays off, doesn’t it? Once again, you can rejoice in knowing that you are indeed one of the funniest people around.

Here are the other caption entries that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“George, you really must stop doing this every time I go shopping.” (by kenneth wilkinson)

“Dont tell me the sale is over.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Oooh, when does the going-out-of-business sale start?” (by Jonathan Stein)

“Know what else is near? Our divorce, George.” (by Pat Foley)

“Let’s start at the beginning.” (by Rich Wolf)

“Congratulations! This is the 50th anniversary of you standing on this corner!” (by Charles Vaughan)

And just a word of explanation about Gary’s entry, “Thanks . . . but I know that Montauk is only a few miles further east down the road. Can’t wait to get there!” For all you out-of-towners and out-of-countryers who may be scratching your heads over this one — Montauk, a resort town on the eastern tip of Long Island, New York, likes to promote itself as “The End”.

There will be another contest posted shortly, so keep on the lookout for it. Thanks for keeping those captions coming.

Contest No. 179 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You may also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot, so please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, October 27, 2021.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

At this point I want to add a big shout-out for Captioneer Pat Foley, who just experienced a spectacular triple winning streak. Not only did he win my last Cartoon Caption Contest (No. 178), and Bob Mankoff’s most recent Cartoon Caption Contest, but he has now pulled off the biggest victory yet. The latest issue of  The New Yorker, dated October 25, 2021, announced that his clever caption was also voted the winner of their Cartoon Caption Contest. Way to go, Pat Foley!

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

“You got that ‘I hope he signs it without looking’ look, again.”

(by Pat Foley)

My original caption: “I know that honesty is the best policy, but I could really use some wiggle room here.”

Congratulations, Pat Foley! This has been an outstanding week for you — not only did you gain this big first-time victory here, but I see that you also won Bob Mankoff’s latest online Cartoon Caption Contest, dated September 29, 2021. Way to go, Pat — you are doubly one of the funniest people around!

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honor:

“Taxes? But I haven’t paid those in years!” (by Jonathan Stein)

“I’m cracking myself up writing your performance review.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Out with the old, in with the new . . . son, how could you?” (by Kay Ralph)

“So many redactions. Is there something I should know?” (also by Pat Foley)

“Think of it as a bi-lateral promotion transfer, Smedly! You go your way, and the company goes another way!” (by Tim Collins)

“Shhh! I’m working on my resignation letter. How do you spell ‘imbecile’?” (by Charles Vaughan)

A new Contest will be coming up shortly, Captioneers. Thanks for participating, and I hope to see some more of your victories in all of those other Caption Contests that are cropping up all over the place.