“Where is it written that a gun can’t be accidentally discharged seven times?”

(by Pat Foley)

My original caption: “And I want to remind the jury that no actual animals were injured by my client in the commission of his crime.”

Congratulations, Pat Foley, for this, your fourth victory. It’s been quite a while — your last win was back in May 2022, in Contest No. 186. But now you can once again let it be known to all and sundry that you are positively one of the funniest people around.

Here are the other caption entries that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“And then the defendant pointed the gun like so.” (by Rich Wolf)

“You are getting sleepy . . . very . . . very . . . sleepy . . . ” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Who among us hasn’t committed bank fraud?” (by Michael Lomazow)

“And a one, and a two . . . ” (by Scott Malcolm)

“You’re a jury of his peers, you’re all innocent, ergo my client is innocent.” (by Joe Ayella)

“Time to decide: Tastes Great or Less Filling?” (by Kelly Nagle)

By the way, a few days ago I noticed that Captioneer Scott Malcolm earned a Runner Up prize in Bob Mankoff’s latest CartoonStock Caption Contest. Congrats to you also, Scott Malcolm!

Be on the lookout for my next Contest, Captioneers, and many thanks for participating.

Contest No. 221 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, January 15, 2025.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

No Michelin rating, but we did get 5 stars from Bridgestone.”

(by Mark S.)

My original caption: “The entrees with asterisks are digitally enhanced.”

Congratulations, Mark S., on your second Caption Contest victory. Your first was not that long ago, in Contest No. 199. You have once again proved to be one of the funniest people around, and you are entitled to shout it from the rooftops. Keep up the good work!

As I was reading some of your submissions, Captioneers, I felt like I was receiving a real “French Lesson”, much like June Allyson sang to Peter Lawford in “Good News” (love that film!).

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“If you have to ask the price, sir, you are in the wrong restaurant.” (by Diane Weisman)

“Social Security number, please.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“You never know when prices may rise, so order fast.” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“If you have to ask the price of a special, you can’t afford it.” (by Joe Ayella)

“Might I interest you in something other than the company that printed the menu?” (by Scott Malcolm)

“Gluten-free, extra gluten, or gluten on the side?” (also by Joe Ayella)

“Everything is good here except your French.” (by Pat Foley)

“We have found that menus without prices reduce 911 calls.” (by Lee Lacewell)

“No, that description of the avocado toast was not meant to be a funny cartoon caption, Sir.” (by Sharon)

Don’t be discouraged, Captioneers — Contest No. 221 will be posted in due time and the title of “one of the funniest people around” will once again be up for grabs. Thanks for participating. Hope you all have a grand, festive holiday season and enjoy a Happy and Healthy 2025.

Contest No. 220 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, December 18, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

“I can’t believe they’re stopping the love advice column.”

(by Diane Weisman)

My original caption: “I’m firing my bevy of lawyers and getting me a phalanx of lawyers!”

Congratulations, Diane Weisman, on your tenth victory. It looks like you’re being pretty consistent here — your last win was not too long ago, in Contest No. 209, and before that it was in Contest No. 204. Keep up the good work, and don’t forget to remind everybody that you are once again one of the funniest people around.

These are the other caption submissions that came close, in my judgement, but just didn’t make it:

“Think we can score front row seats to the Lawrence Welk tribute show tonight?” (by Jennifer Lawson)

“Did you take my Comics section again?!” (by Rich Wolf)

“This is no time for cutting back on the comics section.” (by Joe Ayella)

“This must be a mis-quote. It says I have the shareholder’s interests at heart.” (by Brendan F. Gannon)

“On a positive note my stocks weren’t listed in the Obituary Section today?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Now I know the world is really ending. Not a single cartoon in here!” (by sharon)

“Butch, they still have no clue that Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are alive and well.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“White collar criminals are allowed to win elections — now they tell us!” (by Marc Eliot Stein)

“It’s ironic that the obits are included in the late edition.” (by Pat Foley)

Contest No. 220 will be posted before you know it, Captioneers. Keep on the lookout for it and thanks for participating!

Contest No. 219 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, November 20, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. I hope you can improve on my original caption, which you will be able to see in a week’s time. Good luck, Captioneers!