“Roses are red

Violets are blue

We’re all at “he’s guilty’

Except juror two.”

(by Rich Wolf)

My original caption:

“We find the defendant guilty, his lawyer slick,

And you, the judge, arbitrary and rude.

This whole experience has made us quite sick,

But it’s over now — we’re out of here, dude!”

Congratulations once again, Rich Wolf — this is your twelfth victory and now it’s a string of three winning captions in a row! Your simple take on the familiar refrain of “Roses are red, violets are blue . . . ” got the biggest smile from me. Once again, I judge you to be definitely one of the funniest people around.

Here are the other submissions that I was seriously considering;

“This jury finds that if you do the crime

you do the time.” (by Diane Weisman)

“To get to the point

we recommend the joint.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Jury find chef no good.

Taste was lacking. Smell bad too.

Quiche him goodbye.” (by Mark) Thanks for the haiku, Mark. Also thanks for the mention of my “quiche” caption from Contest No. 188. It didn’t make any sense in relation to this drawing, but I appreciated the thought, anyway.

“We have studied this case for a long time

To determine the extent of the crime

But after so much debate

And making you wait

Not guilty! It’s OK to use words that don’t rhyme!” (by Bruce Morgenstern)

“With due respect to Your Honor,

Set bail and this guy’s a goner.

So, get on with his case,

and we’ll put him in place!

And you’ll be home in time for supper.” (by Brendan F. Gannon)

“I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked. Oh also the guy is guilty.” (by Marc Eliot Stein)

“The defendant was brought to justice

and found guilty by just us.” (by Pat Foley)

“We find the defendant guilty of the crime,

straight to jail

without any bail.” (also by Diane)

“To be or not to be, in the slammer, that is the question. The answer: To be.” (by Kelly)

“Your honor, we find that he did the crime!

And he must do the time!

We suggest a life sentence!

Even though that doesn’t rhyme!” (by Dominick Mancino)

A new Contest will be posted shortly. Thanks for participating!

Contest No. 189 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, August 3, 2022.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Okay, let’s have a little fun with this one.

At the end of the last Contest, I revealed that my original caption, from many decades ago, was a miserable pun (“Lock him up and throw away the quiche”, instead of “Lock him up and throw away the keys”). For this current Contest, I’m presenting, for your consideration, another familiar courtroom scene. This time it’s a jury foreman reading from a slip of paper. But this time, the drawing includes a title, or header banner, above it that says POETIC JUSTICE. The drawing still needs your funny caption to complete it.

I just want to let you know that my original caption for this drawing was a short, snappy four-line rhyming poem.

Now this cartoon was never purchased or printed by any of the publications that I offered it to (including The New Yorker, of course), so I’m not claiming that my original caption/poem was any good. I’m also not saying that, in judging this contest next week, I will give any “special” consideration to any caption/poems that you choose to submit (after all, you’re Captioneers, not Poemeers). All I’m saying is that I remember having a lot of fun at the time just thinking about the possibilities, and I hope you will also.

So why not give it a shot, just for laughs? You can make it a normal, everyday caption, a poem, a limerick, a haiku, an ode, a ditty, or what-have-you. Just make it humorous and appropriate to the drawing, please. My original poem/caption will be revealed next week, as usual, when I announce the winner of this Contest.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

“I hereby sentence you to six months at the Culinary Arts Academy.”

(by Rich Wolf)

My original caption: “Phooey! Guilty as charged! Lock him up and throw away the quiche!”

Hearty congratulations once again, Rich Wolf — this is your eleventh victory and, since you won in Contest No. 187, that makes two victories in a row. Will you be trying for three in a row? Very few people have done that. Come what may, right now you are indubitably one of the funniest people around.

I was mighty proud of my original caption, by the way. I drew the cartoon many decades ago. After it was rejected by Bob Mankoff at The New Yorker, I was sure it would be gobbled up by any one of the many “law” publications that I was selling to at the time. But the prestigious National Law Journal turned it down, and so did every one of the other “law” markets that I offered it to. That was when I finally came to the conclusion that Cartoon Editors don’t really appreciate puns, especially “groaners” like this one.

As a matter of fact, to put it into historical perspective, this is the cartoon on which I actually challenged Bob Mankoff’s snap rejection. This is how I remember it transpiring. There I was, in Mankoff’s New Yorker office, sitting across the desk from him as he reviewed my weekly batch of ten cartoon roughs. He was putting them into two obvious piles, those he was flatly rejecting and those he would “hold” to show to Editor-in-Chief David Remnick when they had their art conference. He picked up this cartoon, looked at it for a few seconds and flipped it over to put it right into the rejected pile. At that moment, I couldn’t restrain myself, and I blurted out something like, “I guess The New Yorker doesn’t like to publish such obvious puns, huh?” Mankoff was already inspecting my next cartoon, but my comment stopped him in his tracks. He jerked his head up, as if he didn’t understand what I meant, and flipped over the rejected cartoon to read the caption more carefully. He then put it right back into the rejected pile and said something like, “Well, not that one, anyway.” So that was it. I had challenged his snap decision and had lost. Case dismissed.

Here are the other captions submitted for this Contest that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“I find you guilty of impersonating a chef.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“It did not please the court.” (by Mark)

“You call yourself a chef? This food is a crime. LOCK HIM UP.” (by Diane)

“I find in favor of the plaintiffs; this food is indeed cruel and unusual punishment.” (by Sagie)

“The proof is in the pudding . . . Guilty as charged!” (by Kay Ralph)

Contest No. 189 will be up in due course, Captioneers. Thanks for keeping those funny captions coming.

Contest No. 188 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, July 6, 2022.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

I don’t know what jesters get paid, I just know I want one.”

(by Rich Wolf)

My original caption: “The ‘K’ stands for ‘King’.”

Hearty congratulations, Rich Wolf, on this, your tenth victory. Can there be any doubt that you are one of the funniest people around?

Here are the other submitted captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“Sales are down! Someone has to fall on the sword for this.” (by Pat Foley)

“Heads will roll if production doesn’t improve.” (also by Pat Foley)

“Hi. It’s Charles. Is it my turn yet?” (by Vinny)

“No . . . having the unusual first name ‘King’, hasn’t affected me one way or another!” (by Kay Ralph)

“I won the checkers tournament and I decided to King myself.” (also by Pat Foley)

“Let me check that with my serf, I mean, assistant.” (by Mark)

Sorry for the delay in judging the winner of this Contest. My computer was down for a few days.

Thanks to all you Captioneers for participating with your funny submissions. Barring any future delays, Contest No. 188 should start right on schedule, so please keep looking out for it.