Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 119

Contest No. 119 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click "Save".

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest.  This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else's similar spontaneous caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, June 13, 2017.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


What do you mean you didn't publish my cartoon?

I told you a thousand times, there's no such thing as too many polka dots.

1. "How did you get my number...oh, you're my wife."

2. "How long have you put me on hold? I had a full head of hair when I called!"

3. "Fire Department, send over a cook...my wife just burnt my dinner."

4. "I don't mind you putting me on hold for 30 minutes...but do you have to play 'You light Up My Life' the whole time?"

5. "When can I get an appointment to see the doctor?...January, 2019 - Wow, how come so soon?"

911? Yes, it's an emergency! I'm stuck in the past.

"Supervisor of Elections? Is it too late to change my vote?"

You've got the Wrong Number, Mr Number speaking.

No, I don't want a wig. I have a lot of hair.

No I do not wish to subscribe to pirates gone wild but I will take any free panflits you wish to send

No thanks, I don't want to change long distance providers. While I have you, would you like to buy some of my kid's girl guide cookies?

1. "Is this the maternity ward?..Do you deliver?"

2. "Feel free to call any time you want...Just don't call me!"

3. "Actually, you don't have an unlisted number. It's listed right there on the bathroom stall at Mcnally's Bar."

4. "Please leave a message at the beep...No wait, that was just a burp."

5. "You want me to put my wife on the phone?...She's gonna need to lose another 100 pounds before I can do that?

Is this Eli Stein calling again? You say that you are confused about who to choose for the winner of your recent contest. Well, I practice VooDoo and sent you vibes along with my last entry, so that you would implacably place my name at the top of your list. No, you don't have to thank me, as I am glad to mentor you in all your endeavors.

Do not call me at this time, my wife is still home

AT&T? Am I eligible for an upgrade yet?


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