“First, you get payment from the client, then you can chew up their contract.”

(by Jennifer Lawson)

My original Caption: “Cease and desist!”

Hearty congratulations, Jennifer Lawson! This is your first victory, with many more to come, hopefully. You are now officially “One of the Funniest People Around”, and you get all the bragging rights that go with the title.

Here are the other captions that almost made it:

“Don’t give me that circumstantial evidence crap!” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Next offense — a gag order.” (by Joe Ayella)

“You’re a bad dog, Fido. You ripped up your adoption papers. Now you have to go back to the kennel.” (by Diane)

“Where were you last night between midnight and six?” (by Rich Wolf)

“When I said to fetch me the evidence, this is not what I meant!” (by Jonathan Stein)

“If you confess now I’ll petition the court to allow your sentence to be served in dog years.” (by Lee Lacewell)

“You have been found guilty . . . the jury found many ‘shreds of evidence’ to convict!!!” (by Dominick Mancino)

“I’m going to throw the book at you.” (by Pat Foley)

Watch for Contest No. 213, which will be posted before you know it. Good luck, Captioneers, and thanks for participating!

Contest No. 212 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, May 8, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

“Well, for future reference, a good first step would be to actually file a return …”

(by Bruce L. Morgenstern)

My original caption: “No, I would not like to see a photo of the wife and kids.”

Congratulations, Bruce L. Morgenstern, on your second victory . . . and it’s been a long time coming! Your first win was back in August 2015, in Contest No. 88. Which only goes to prove that the three most important factors in winning this Contest are persistence, persistence and persistence. Oh, also funny, funny and funny.

Here are the other captions that were being seriously considered:

“Don’t worry, your money is safe with us.” (by Diane Weisman)

“No, we can’t do double or nothing.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“No, it’s not OK to claim the five kids of the guy that stole your identity last year as dependents.” (by Lee Lacewell)

“You really didn’t mean to say that out loud did you?” (also by Lee Lacewell)

“Taxes are real, sir, even if you don’t believe in them.” (by Meg Wise-Lawrence)

“You’ll find that I’m not as charitable as you claim to be, Mr. Smithers.” (by Pat Foley)

Contest No. 212 will be posted in due time. Be on the lookout for it, Captioneers . . . and thanks for participating.

Contest No. 211 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, April 10, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

“My credit rating is a perfect score of 100.”

(by Kelly)

My original caption: “How much of a grace period will there be before you send out the hired guns?”

Congratulations, Kelly, on this, your lucky thirteenth victory! It’s been a while since your last win, way back in 2020 in Contest No. 165, when you were entering captions under the name of Kelasher. Welcome back into the fold — once again you can let the world know that you are one of the funniest people around.

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“I know I don’t have a good credit rating but isn’t ‘cross my heart and hope to die’ good enough?” (by Rich)

“Didn’t you have hair when I first applied for my home equity loan?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“If I get a mother-in-law/room addition loan, how many payments would I need to miss before you repossess her? (also by Lee Lacewell)

Thanks for participating, Captioneers! Be on the lookout for Contest No. 211, which will be coming up before you know it.

Contest No. 210 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, March 13, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!